Screwed Up My Future....

Practicing the exercises on the internet did not help me to achieve a grade that was enough to boost up my merit points to apply to any of the medical schools in the UK that require the sitting of the UKCAT test. I confidently sat in front of the computer where i was needed to finish the test within 2 hours...and after a while i realised that i had got the format wrong....I thought i was only needed to finish several questions within 2 hours....but everything seemed wrong and i found out that i actually had to complete 40 of them for each section within 20 minutes. There are altogether 4 sections and I was being allocated 20 minutes for each of them. Having to think that the system does not require us to finish all the questions but to complete each of them as much as possible within the time limit precisely, i was wrong. I was really needed to complete all of the 160 questions . I didn't realise it until i got out of the room to receive my terrible results. It is quite impossible to finish all of them within the time limit especially when you are needed to read long passages first before answering all the questions, analysing diagrams to find the differences before i can group the individual cases into each diagram, unlocking codes by putting them into sentences and 40 diagrammatic calculative maths questions within 20 minutes. I did the questions without rushing them through without knowing that actually it is a grave mistake not to do it as fast as possible. I wanted to cry in the car when i was heading back but i just couldn't do so. After returning home, i got a scolding from my mum and this was my first time crying in front of them since 5 years of high school life. I was very sad and discouraged that my tears started flowing down right after i kicked a standing fan right opposite the dining table...and i shouted angrily back at my mum before running up the staircase and, finally locking myself in my own room. By that time, i had deeply known that my future was ruined....a mistake that i will not be able to undo,my loved ones consoled me the whole night, including my girlfriend. I than came to realise that i am not alone. They are always behind me and i know that i have to move forth in life. It was a drastic turning point in my life and i know that this is definitely not the end of my life.Facing friends with better results this time is not an easy endurance, but i know that i have to stand up quickly and make myself a true man. I know that God will not forsake me and maybe behind this hurting experience, stands a better future for me, and i will know it when the time is ripe and right.

Made Someone Cried Yesterday

Feeling very down today....and thanks to myself...I made a girl cried for me. I never made a girl cry like this...and this was my first experience. She asked me a question which i took quite a long time to answer. " If both of us get JPA and have to go to India to practice medicine, will you accept it?". This, for many people will definitely be a dream come true...but as for me...i am carrying a burden behind my back and have to go to somewhere even better. But, the only a request I would like to have from God, is to let us be together. It has been very heart aching and mental torturing for her and i would never want someone to be as hurt as this, especially for those who i care for the most. Ya, her message this morning did ruin my mood for the whole morning. She said that she cried last night after having a dream that i abandoned her.

What am i supposed to say....only God knows that what will happen one year later....Is letting her go by then would be the best solution, or wanting her to wait for me for 7 years and by doing this, i will be exerting more mental pressures on her and she will have a mental breakdown. I believe that i can, but what about her, I can't just abandon her like that....i will be totally selfish. Studying in different colleges, had made this matter even worse. God is evil to us in such a way that we are apart. Just 1 more miracle.... just 1 more and i would not ask from you much anymore, this was what i said to GOD...but he did not give an answer. One word to decide everything that we face..' Pathetic!!!". it is going to be sad next year. We dare not tell our parents about this matter. I wanted to take the risk...but she wouldn't. The tears that flew out from her eyes made me a devil. I was supposed to protect her....but letting her got hurt in a way like this was not definitely a thing that i wanted it to happen. Haha...what i care the most is whether she is happy or not. If i have superpowers like JUMPER, everything would be solved and there will no problems anymore.

God, save us!!!!!!!!!

Learning how to ski ......haha....it is not as easy as it seems to be....

Celebrating christmas at the theme park in South Korea

Ginseng Chicken Soup....my dad's favourite ....yeah!

At a Theme Park In South Korea. To me, South Korea is still the best holiday destination for me.

The time that i spent with my family in South Korea...whooo, it was very cold indeed, 3 degress celcius early in the morning....I am the one which is the second from the right.

The First Crush In My Life

'Hong, dun tell me that you have never had any relationships before?'.'Yes, i do not have any....', that was what i replied when my special task exco in college forwarded such a question to me in my first week in college. I was proud at that time.....hehe ....i am just like a clean and white paper....without any records at all...but somehow deep within me, i long knew that i really do need someone to talk to...a part of me has been waiting for someone special to appear....and then...one day....without realising much, i have been starting texting someone almost every night, started chatting with her and i feel that somehow something has changed, there was a new beginning and a new type of feeling, which i felt prettily uncertain of at the very beginning, i felt very comforting when i started chatting with her, not a feeling that i can get when i am chatting with other female friends of mine....then i started to wonder....what am i really expecting from it? Then days passed by, i took down my mask and started chatting with her in my rather crazy and insane way, just like the way i talk to my family. We have the same personalities... acting very crazily sometimes and acting noramally sometimes. To her, this is tha LAW OF EXTREME NEUTRALISATION, whereby i find the concept rather interesting. Both of us are going for the same career in the future, but we are not in the same college and will not be going to the same country to persue our career in the future. 'Pathetic!', that is the very first word that came across my mind, the only way for us to get to undstand each other is through messages. Both of us like each other quite a lot, but through messages only...are we being realistic? We don;t meet up quite often for now and were afraid that our family will soon find out....what are we supposed to do, but by that time, i found out that everything was too late already, and there is a feeling that told us that we can't bear to be apart or just odinary friends...too late to back out. I tossed a coin and a friend of mine wants me to make a bet. If i get 2 heads out of the 3 turns of tossing of coins, i should not think too much about it and go for it, if not, i just have to be best friends with her, but at the end, i got 3 heads. two friends of mine who were there were shocked. Is is god's will, we don't know, so i made a pact with her for a year and after that we have to come up with anther decison before going abroad. It would be 5 years for us to finish our course in overseas. But i am willing to take that risk, not just for her, but for myself. A real challenge indeed in life for both of us.

Patience and Forgiveness

Everybody once asked me why that i am not fighting back when someone tried to bully me during my primary school and secondary school life.and I would normally reply in such a way....no i am very guai de.....there is always a reason behind all my answers....just no one knew about it....i always feel that those who bully are the ones who are being bullied before. I myself do get impatient sometimes, seriously, when i am being bullied....but most of the time, i chose to forgive and forget. Have all of you ever noticed that people who bully are the ones who are trying to create a protective barrier around themselves.....Take the one who sits behind me in class during my form 5 secondary school life...( C.H.H). He never bully untill he was bullied by ching foo in form 3 and aftr that he became very,i mean very very quiet before he starts to bully. If you fight back, you will get to vest out all your anger at that time only( although it is rather important) but , shockingly, i forgived them. i don't know why did i choose to forgive....but somehow forgiving them makes me happy. There is a strategy behing this too, if you choose to forgive, you will be slowly liked by them and they will also start to protect and hang out with you too. You will get to gain support too and when you are bullied, you will be suprisingly shocked that thay will be the ones who are willing to stand out to help you too, especially when you are facing troubles or when you are being bullied by others....You gain more respect and a deeper friendship instead. My friends who are in the same class with me will understand this very clearly. Eventually, i did not even have an enemy. Everyone is my friend. You will easily gain support in whatever things you are doing. Bullies themselves will take advantage of those who are considered weaker and this will serve as a warning to other people not to mess with them, so that no one else will dare to challenge and buly them back. It is just a natural protective barrior for them to act in such a way....